Exploring Southern Manners and Their Evolution

<p>This is an edition of Time-Travel Thursdays, a journey through The Atlantic’s archives to contextualize the present. <a href="https://link.theatlantic.com/click/33390566.0/aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cudGhlYXRsYW50aWMuY29tL25ld3NsZXR0ZXJzL3NpZ24tdXAvdGltZS10cmF2ZWwtdGh1cnNkYXlzLz91dG1fY2FtcGFpZ249dGltZS10cmF2ZWwtdGh1cnNkYXlzJnV0bV9zb3VyY2U9bmV3c2xldHRlciZ1dG1fbWVkaXVtPWVtYWlsJnV0bV9jb250ZW50PTIwMjMxMTE2JmxjdGc9NjA1MGUyYjIxZmMxNmQxMzdmODNjMDM4/6050e2b21fc16d137f83c038B739d3752" target="_blank">Sign up here.</a></p><p>It is widely acknowledged that southerners are often considered the most mannerly individuals in America. However, this does not imply that they are the kindest. A childhood experience in Tennessee illustrates that a polite phrase like "Bless your heart" can accompany a critical remark made privately. Etiquette is emphasized, as demonstrated by a father's insistence on proper responses, such as replying with "Yes sir" when addressed.</p><p>The author's family has deep roots in the South, with a father from Kentucky and a mother whose family has been in the region since the 18th century. Southern manners include holding doors for dates, offering seats to women, and greeting strangers with phrases like "Howdy" or "How are you?" Neighbors often borrow items without expectation of repayment. Despite changes in Southern identity, manners remain a distinctive characteristic of the region.</p><p>Hospitality in the South is a reflection of these social graces, with an emphasis on welcoming acquaintances. Walter H. Page noted in 1881 that strangers with connections to known families would receive hospitality. However, this kindness has limits, as Benjamin Schwarz pointed out in a 1997 essay, highlighting the duality of Southern courtesy and violence.</p><p>While many southerners adhere to etiquette out of selflessness, it also serves to protect their reputation. A study from 1996 indicated that Southern men were more likely to respond aggressively when their masculinity was threatened.</p><p>The narrative of Southern manners is incomplete without acknowledging the experiences of Black southerners, particularly in relation to their historical enslavement. Jessie W. Parkhurst noted in 1938 that upper-class Southerners often credited their manners to their "Black Mammy" caregivers. Enslaved women were often overworked and underpaid while caring for white children. Even after slavery, many white Southerners were raised by Black nannies, a trend that persists today.</p><p>Schwarz remarked that Southern courtesies emerged from a fusion of Black and white attitudes, but politeness was often a necessity for Black southerners to ensure their safety. After the abolition of slavery, Black women faced limited job opportunities and were frequently underpaid.</p><p>Contemporary Southern manners have evolved, with some lamenting a perceived decline in etiquette. W. P. Trent noted in 1897 that while external manners have changed, this reflects progress toward greater freedom and individuality. Factors contributing to this shift include an influx of new residents to the South and the influence of the internet on cultural behaviors.</p><p>The author observes a generational difference in manners within their own family, contrasting their mother's warm hospitality with their own more casual approach. The mother engages in conversations with strangers and offers abundant food, while the author, living in New York City, has adopted a more hurried lifestyle.</p><p>Interactions with the mother serve as a reminder of the value of kindness and the importance of slowing down in a fast-paced world.</p>